Aside from the obvious reason that it’s my easy way out to pay may enormous debt from the house construction and to save something for myself and some other personal reasons that I dare not disclose ; I am taking advantage of my youth. Philippines will always be home. I have my friends and family there. Leaving them behind wasn’t easy for me. It was painful. There are times that I sit by my window sill thinking to myself, “What the hell am I doing here?”. But as a friend once told me, “Don’t stay just because you don’t want to leave your friends behind, because sooner or later, they are all going to move on with their lives”. We all have to. So I should not get stuck because of that. The wonder of technology nowadays are amazing. We can always catch up through a lot of ways. If we have time, we can meet for a cup of coffee, and if we are fortunate enough, we can go out of town. The next reason would be my family. I always consider that my parents are old and I want to be able to spend time with them. But they were right to tell me that I need to live my life for me. My siblings already have their own families. As much as they want me around, they don’t want to stop me from seeing the world, from having my own adventure, from experiencing what life has to offer. They don’t want to be selfish. They have already lived their lives and they want me to live mine. When I was working in the Philippines, I go home maybe twice or once a month. And that time, I just want to sleep at home because I’m tired from work. As they have said, Shanghai isn’t that far away, and when I go home, it’s really for vacation so I have no excuse to just lay around all day the whole 3 weeks. I can use that time to spend it with them. At this time in my life, I should take this as an opportunity to do things that I want to do , to visit the places that I want to see, to take the plunge and get out of my comfort zone and to learn life’s lessons through experience because when I get to have my own family, my life isn’t just mine anymore.
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live life as if you'll die tomorrow."
Dalawampu't dalawa. Yan ang edad ko nung unang beses kong maransan ang buhay emo. IKR! Ang tanda ko na para sa first heartbreak! Pero seryoso, sobrang sabog yung pakiramdam ko. Parang gusto ko na lang lamunin ako ng kama ko at maglaho na lang bigla para hindi ko na maramdaman yung nararamdaman ko. Gusto ko lang huminto na yung sakit at huminto na yung utak ko kakaisip. Pero hindi totoo yung sinasabi nung kanta, na parang ako lang, jologs, "Unang sugat sa puso, habangbuhay magdurugo". Buhay pa naman ako. Di pa naman ako nauubusan ng dugo. Sabi ko dati, hindi na ko papayag na saktan ulit ako ng ganon. Ang susunod na bumasag sa puso ko, babasagin ko na yung mukha. Ano sya, sinuswerte, balde baldeng luha kaya ang inilabas ng mata ko. Ilang gabi akong halos di nakatulog. Ilang body fats yung nawala sa 'kin. Hmmm... Okay lang pala yung sa body fats. Haha. Ilang beses kong ikinaskas si HSBC malibang ko lang ang isip ko. Kaya nga nung nabuo ko, di ko na pinahawakan ulit dun sa bumasag eh. Wala ng take two. Nilagyan ko na ng malaking sticker, Fragile, handle with care. You break it, you buy it. lol. Pero yung sakit, nakakalimutan rin pala. Nawawala. Naghihilom nga ang sugat. Per talagang matigas ang ulo ko pagdating sa usapang puso. Baka kasama na ng pagiging adventurous ang masugatan. Ayun, kahit alam ko naman na masasaktan ako, sinubukan ko pa ring alamin. Muntik ko na sanang matakasan eh, pero dala ng likas na pagkamausisa at katangahan, inalam ko pa. Ayun na nga, ang akala kong bato na, nababasag pa rin pala. Lumalambot pa rin pala. Sabi nga sa salawikain, "Batong buhay na sakdal ng tigas, sa ulang tikatik ay naagnas." Hmmm... Parang hindi yata tama ang gamit ko. Haha. Biglang bumalik sa gunita ko paano masaktan. Nakabibigla na bakit parang ang OA ng reaksyon ko nung una. Pero di mo naman din talaga masusukat eh. Hindi mo rin alam kung ano ba talaga yung intensity. Malamang totoo nga na mas handa na siguro ang isang tao kapag naranasan na nya ang isang bagay. Mas madali na ang lahat. Pero sabi nga ng isang kaibigan, hindi mo masasabi na yung una o pangalawa o pangatlo ang pinakamasakit kasi di mo naman alam kung may darating na mas magiging matindi yung feelings mo or dahil minsan di rin naman talaga natin masusukat. Mas alam mo na kung paano ihandle ang sitwasyon. Minsan, nagugulat din talaga tayo ng mga sarili natin. Kahit nakita ko sa sahig ang mga piraso, hindi ko na magawang magmaktol na parang bata at magpakalunod sa sarili kong luha. Umupo ako. Pansamantalang lumipad ang isipan at naglakbay sa kawalan. Hinayaang sandaling pumatak ang luha. Huminga ng malalim. Kailangan lang mailabas ang mga nagtatagong emosyon. Sinimulang pulutin muli ang mga piraso ng may ngiti sa labi. Bahagya mang nasaktan, sulit naman sa karanasan. The joy it brought to me and the wonderful memories were worth it. No pain, no gain. ;)Sabi nga ni Pink, "I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned." Maaaring nakakapagod ngunit wala namang nagbabawal magpahinga di ba? Kaya go lang, eto nga't pwede namang tumayo pagkatapos magdrama, habang hawak ang mga pinulot na piraso para muling buuin. Hindi nawawala ang pag-asang darating din ang taong kapag nahawakan 'to, iingatan na, aalagaan at hindi hahayaang mabasag pang muli. TUMBLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crystal Ball
Drinking wine and thinking bliss, is on the other side of this I just need a compass and a willing accomplice All my doubts that fill my head are skidding up and down again Up and down and round again, down and up and down again.
Oh, I've had my chances and I've taken them all. Just to end up right back here on the floor. To end up right back here in on the floor.
Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel. Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell. But I'm not scared at all...hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm
The cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.
Sometimes you think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring Love just needs a witness and a little forgivness And a halo of patience and a less sporadic pace and I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes.
Oh I've felt that fire and I've been burned But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned.
Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel. Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell. But I'm not scared at all...hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm
Of the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.
Irony, irony, this hate and love, hate and love What it does to me, what it's done to me. What is done...done
Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel. Broken mirrors and a black cat's cold stare, Walk under ladders on my way to hell, I'll meet you there.
But I'm not scared at all, hmm...I'm not scared at all.
Bout the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.
Cigarettes have always been something that I see as a total waste of money. The smell is horrible and is very harmful to a person's health. I don't see any benefit that one can get from smoking. I've never been a fan of cigarettes until...
Stress and emotional struggle got the best of me. I turned to cigarette to help me stop my heart from bursting into little pieces. I have to admit, it made me feel better. It's as if I was puffing out the stress and the emotional shit I have inside of me. It made me calm down. If it wasn't for the effects that it can do to my breath and to my lips, if the smell can be easily washed out, I probably wouldn't mind destroying my lungs. I might actually enjoy smoking. Besides, reaching age 100 is not part of my dreams anyway. lol. Kidding aside, despite the soothing effects and calming effects smoking can give, I'm still not willing to be a cigarette addict.(Tama na yung alcoholic na ko, isa-sang bisyo lang. lol)
I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired but I can't sleep Standin' on the edge of something much too deep It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word Though we are screaming inside oh we can't be heard
I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose But once there was a darkness, deep and endless night You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
That I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories
I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories
I have moved to a new apartment recently. I now have a bigger bed. My old bed sheet is a little too short to cover the whole bed. I think I used to have a twin bed in my previous room while now, I have a full size double bed. I placed two pillows near the headboard just like in the picture. I just realized that with this setup, I tend to use just one side of the bed, the right side since it's near the table where I put my laptop. Since I sleep sideways, I always face the side where I can see my laptop. For some reason, I faced the other side last night. The side that I don't use much. That side of the bed felt empty. The space was too big. As if someone is supposed to be there because this bed was designed for two. So I decided that I will buy a larger pillow. Haha. Yes. A larger one so I don't need to put two pillows near the headboard, just one big pillow in the middle. That way, I wouldn't have a side of the bed and the other side won't feel empty. Hehe. Yeah, I know, I can just remove one pillow that I have now but that doesn't look right. There's too much space around it. lol. Or maybe it's just an excuse to buy a bigger pillow. Haha.
Full bed – full beds are also known as the double bed and are designed for sleeping of two people. The average dimensions of such a bed are seventy five inches long and fifty four inches wide. This implies that it’s just fifteen inches wider than twin size beds, leaving a space of twenty seven inches for each adult, which is much less than the space offered by the twin size beds.[Source: http://www.homedit.com/difference-between-the-varied-bed-sizes-%E2%80%93-king-queen-twin-single-full/]
