Patience is a virtue

Indeed! Lalo na kung ang pc mo ay mabagal at may eclipse kang nakabukas. Hahaha. At lalo na kung inaanticipate mo ang lunch break dahil excited ka ng magbasa ng book na sobrang hooked ka at kinikilig ka to the Nth level. Kinabog ko pa ang in love. hahaha. Hindi ako naglunch para lang makapagbasa nito. Excited na kong umuwi! Bakit? syempre pa para magbasa. hahaha.

Picture1. Ang kinaadikan ko!
Picture2: Ako at ang kinaadikan ko.
Picture 3: Habang naghihintay makapagcreate ng JAR File ang eclipse.

Not A Girly Girl

Few months back(6 or 7 months ago siguro), nag-eeffort pa kong mag-ayos ng sarili bago pumasok. Sabi nga ni yayin sa kin, "uy, parang tapos ka na sa girly phase mo ah..." Siguro nga or hindi lang talaga ako ganun. Siguro I just needed to do that nung mga panahon na yun kasi isa sya pinaghuhugutan ko ng confidence. Ngayon, I'm back to being me. The 30 minutes person that I am. Hahaha. Bakit 30 minutes? kasi yun lang ang kelangan ko mula sa pagtunog ng alarm ko hanggang sa paglabas ko ng pinto ng gate para pumasok. Balik na ako sa routine ko. Bangon, toothbrush, ligo, bihis, net ng konti kung may excess time pa. Hindi ko talaga siguro kayang panindigan ang mag-ayos. Cowboy kasi ako. hehehe. Naiisip ko nga kapag nakikita ko yung mga officemates ko na tuwing maaabutan ko sa CR eh nagreretouch, ang sipag naman nila, paano naman kaya nila napapanindigan na magspend ng oras sa pag-aayos everyday? para sa kin kasi sayang lang oras ko eh. hahaha. Sorry naman. Lalaki yata ako ng past life ko.

Being Twenty Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you... Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Forwarded by a friend.
Hindi rin niya alam kung sino nagsulat.
Pero pareho kaming nakarelate.
Inihighlight ko pa nga yung mga lines na tinamaan talaga 'ko.

A Grease Story

"Summer lovin' happen so fast...."

Last summer I went to the beach with my friends. We were suppose to travel at 4:00 in the morning so we decided to stay overnight at the a common place. We had a drink that night. I wasn't able to sleep in the 4 hour bus ride and about an hour boat ride to the beach.

It was night time and everybody gathered around to form a circle around the bonfire. Again, another "inuman session". I was sitting on a long chair when I asked Mr.X "kelangan ko ng alipin, masahe naman dyan." and so he did.

The moon was really nice. The fire was warm. And I'm tired and close to being drunk. They were teasing us. We're used to that. He is a close friend of mine so we just go with the flow. But then, we became very sweet to each other. I was still sober when we were holding hands. But I got really really drunk that when I woke up that morning I did not exactly knew what happened that night. I knew some but I was unsure of other stuff. The following morning was a very awkward moment. haha. One of our friend asked him, "Bakit hindi kayo nagpapansinan ni M@yl3tt3?". He replied, "Hindi naman. I'm not a morning person." We finally talked to each other on our way back to Manila. Since the vehicle we rented will go near our place, I did not get off at the drop off point. And so was Mr. X because he had to go to his friend's house who apparently lives near our apartment. So we walked together. I offered him a paper bag for his "kaldero"and wash it so he would not bring home a dirty "kaldero". His house is far by the way. That night, he texted me:
Him: "Ui, salamat sa kanina."
Me: "You're welcome. :)"
Him: "Uhm... M@yl3tt3... may itatanong sana ako sa'yo... ok lang ba?"
Me: "Sure. Basta wag naman nosebleed ha.Hahaha."
.....
Him: "Kumain ka na ba?"

(I laughed so hard when I read his question.)

And so we texted some more...

That week was kind of exciting and awkward for us. Hahaha. We had a "date"(I wasn't sure if it was a date actually. ) Friday that week. He invited me to watch a movie. The movie wasn't that great. I didn't know how it happened but we held hands at the movie theater. We then went to play at timezone. The following week, we still IM each other. Then he had to go somewhere far and I had to go to the province for the holy week. We didn't see each other for about two weeks. He did not text me when he came back. When I went back to Manila, and bumped into him early that morning, we did not even said Hi to each other. I guess he really is not a morning person. hahahaha. Days have passed, and we're still ignoring each other. Until the day came that it didn't feel awkward anymore. We're back to being friends without the awkwardness in the air. We were never meant to be more than friends. :p He's a troubled guy who has so many hangups. He is really a nice person though. He's just too emotional for a guy. Maybe we got carried away with the romantic setting that night and we thought there might be something between us. Or maybe we're both hungry for some TLC because we've been broken-hearted and haven't had some kilig moments for some time. Or was I the only one who thought of that? Haha. Anyways, it was a nice experience. It really was just a summer fling. hahaha.

Broken-Hearted Weekend

I hate seeing a broken-hearted friend. Why? Because even though I don't exactly feel how she feels, I somehow have an idea on how she's feeling. A few years back, I would comfort a broken hearted friend with words "Ok lang yan. There are many fish in the ocean.", but now it's different. I know it's not okay and at that particular moment, it doesn't matter if there are millions of "fish" in the ocean.


Way back months ago, I was at the similar situation.
I was broken-hearted.
I couldn't eat.
I couldn't sleep.
I just want to wake up with everything back the way they were or at least wake up not feeling like crap. But it never happened. I did all that I can to win my so called significant other back. I would wind up at his door at 6 in the morning or I would wait for him for hours at night at his doorstep not knowing what time he'll get home just so I could talk to him. I begged him not to throw what we have away. To give love another shot. I would settle for anything that time. Cool off. No obligations. Anything just to have him. We ended up getting back together but only in our worlds. You read it right. I cannot tell a soul that we are back together because if I did, he will consider us broken up. So I never did tell anyone. Even though we got back together, it didn't feel that way. I waited every night for an sms that would come once a week if I'm lucky. I can't text him either. If I did, he'd get mad at me. He would instill to me that I couldn't understand him. It was really really painful. Until finally, on the day of our 17th month of being together, I called him up, I was excited to greet him. A cold voice answered the phone. I could sense the annoyance in his voice as he speaks. I wanted to break down and cry. I can no longer take the pain. That was too much. So I finally had the courage to break up with him. Yes. I did break up with him. The pain was too much to bear. I met him the following day to give him the things that are either his or are meant to be his. When I looked at him, it felt like I didn't know the person standing in front of me. Can love really be gone? It was the last time that I cried because of him. It's better that way. I can't go on hurting everyday of my life. I tried my best to get back on track. Thanks to the help of my friends, especially Karen, I was able to get back on my feet. I was able to put the broken pieces of my heart together. They are right. The pain alleviates as the day passes by until I can't feel the pain anymore. It really does get better in time.

My friend and I were sitting in my bedroom. All I could do was to give her a hug. She was crying all day. She told me that she just want to wake up that she doesn't feel that way anymore. I felt really sad because it's not like that. You can't just wake up the following morning feeling okay. Healing is not an overnight process. It takes a lot of time. A lot of prayers. A lot of sleepless nights and wasted mornings. But what can I assure her is it's not gonna feel that way forever. That feeling will eventually be gone. It's not going to be tomorrow or next week but I it will come to an end. I didn't know when the hurting ceased. All I can say after crying a lot of tears, I'm stronger and I'm doing just fine.

Doing Just Fine
Boys 2 Men

There was a time when I thought life was over and out
When you went away from me
My dying heat made it hard to breathe
Would sit in my room
Because I didn't want to have to go out
And see you walking by
One look and I'd break night down and cry

Now you say that you've made a big mistake
Never meant to take your love away
But you can save your tired
Apologies
‘Cause it may seem hard to believe but

[chorus]
I'm doin'just fine
Getting along very well
Without you in my life
I don't need you in my life
I'm doin' just fine
Time made me stronger
You're no longer on my mind

You were my earth
My number one priority
I gave my love to only you
Anything you'd ask of me
I would do
But somewhere down the road
You felt a change in the weather
And told me that you had to journey on
A kiss in the wind and your love was gone

Now you say you never meant to play your games
Boy, don't you know it's far too late
Because you let our love just fall apart
You no longer have a heart

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge]
When you said goodbye
I felt so all alone
There were time at night I couldn't sleep
My heart was much to weak to make it on my own
Baby after all the misery
And pain you put me through
So unfair to me girl
You're no longer my world
And I ain't missin' you at all